The Elusiveness of Love

Love is a very elusive emotion. Not only does it comes in so many different forms, it can be misinterpreted
from one form to another. It can be shaped and changed by experiences or even just the self examination of it.

Love is something really more than an emotion. The emotion love evokes is the visible or knowable aspect of it. Often love can exist and I can either be in denial of it or completely ignorant of it's presence.

Even to try and label the various forms of love as I know it is very difficult and that label would be defined primarily by my experiences or perceptions of what I think Love should be.

With that said, I can only look at love in it's present form in relation to my experiences, in order to be able to even write about it. In this article the love I speak of will be contained to the love I can feel or percieve for another Human being. I could stray into many forms of love for many different reasons, but I have chosen the love Humans have for each other as this topic.

I often think of love both when I am feeling it or even when I don't feel it around me. If I don't feel it, that love may be just in a form that I am unaware of and have no particular reason to feel it at the moment.
Sometimes this is because I have perceived that I am not being loved by another Human being. This perception can be the result of a perceived action, such as words, tone of voice, body language or just a past similar experience that invokes that feeling of being unloved by someone at that moment. This love or lack of love, is only my perception, and I know that I am actually surrounded by love at all time.The source of love emanated from us, not to us. Love is but a reflection of the love we feel for ourselves.

When a person comes up to me and shows me their love, I have a choice based on my past experiences and the love of myself to see that love and feel it, or deny my own self  love and thereby deny myself the opportunity to feel that love. Again, it's always my own choice to either feel it or not.

For myself, I have recognized that as bad as any experience has ever been with another Human Being, if I truly examine the relationship over time, I can always identify at least a moment in which I perceived a love for the other person. In most cases given enough time, I can actually find many instances where my love existed for that person, at a time when I allowed myself to love the being I am. 

I can truly say I have never met a person that I have not loved in some form or another. Whether I felt wronged by a stranger or a friend. In my reality, I believe that there is no right or wrong, just another experience that the soul is wanting to feel.

I might also, upon self examination, find that the experience with that person has taught me something more about my own self. These opportunities have allowed me to change my perception of other people and reevaluate their actions towards me. So in this way, I may love that person for the lesson that has been taught to me. The bad situations as I may perceive them, are no more than a lesson and I am free to learn from them or relive them.

When I have felt love for someone and yet hatred of them at the same time,  I try to remind myself that hatred, being much like love, is formed and exists as love does, based on my past experiences with people. I might tend to find that hatred comes more easily to the surface of my perceived memories than love does.

When I am not in a position where the hatred is in control, through my use of negative self talk to myself or just a feeling that I cannot easily explain, I will try to substitute the negative self talk for positive self talk or and think thoughts of love for myself.

When I am in a space that I feel safe and comfortable, I can let my feelings and emotions relax and then think of that person. At this time, I am more likely to remember past experiences of when I felt love towards that person. It can be something very obvious that took place or very subtle that involved no more than a fleeting moment in our relationship. It can be love that is also associated to a part of hate, such as a love for the lessons learned and are now a part of my life, as well as, the ability to pass on to others what I have learned from the moment.

In general, with true introspection, I as a person can find that somewhere within any situation that I created a moment of hatred, that I have had a choice in the process to direct that situation towards love or hate. There was a word or action that I did at some point that helped to tip the moment towards love or hate.

An example could be in an argument over just about anything. The moment that I choose to take an action, I either prolonged the argument or moved away from it. Often I might say, "I tried to stop arguing, but the other person wouldn't let it go." Again it was my own choice, when presented with the situation, to allow the other person to draw me into the argument. The point that I did, I allowed them to have the control over me and this leads to less self love.

As hard as it may seem to be at times, and the actions that I may have to take to prevent being drawn into an argument and towards hatred of myself, it does get easier them more times I do it. Practice does not make perfect, but repetition will get me close.

These actions may seem extreme or contrary to my ego at that moment. I just need to remember to "check my ego at the door" first.

Sometimes, it might mean removing myself from the situation. It can also mean some self reflection if I do remove myself. This is needed in order to prevent any negative self talk and convincing myself that the fault lays solely on the other person. One alternative that is always at my disposal, is to counter the hatred with love. I can look deep inside myself and express some kind of love that the other person may then feel. 

Whether that person wants to feel or perceive the love is their choice. If the love I show is sincere, truly coming from a place of self love, than whether the person excepts it at the moment or not, somewhere down the line they will realize that the love was displayed and they did not chose not to see it. 

Even after showing my love, depending on the choice the other person takes, I may still have to resort to removing myself from the situation. Then, when I examine what happened, I can realize I showed my genuine love to that person. In this way, I can also have a better chance at avoiding any negative self talk that I may inflict upon myself, than I would had I not expressed that love.

This is the point where love frees me and allows me to move on. By making the choice to love, whether seen by others or not, I are free to move again towards love and not carry the hatred with me. I am free to love that moment of hatred that was shared with me and truly whole heartedly learn from it and embrace it as my own experience. This lesson helps to guide me towards not repeating the same situation again.