Thursday, March 12, 2015

A Journey of Self



Quite a spring revelation


I haven't posted to this site since May of 2011. While it was only a few years ago, in relationship to the journey that my self and I have been on, it seems like it has been many lifetimes. Lifetimes that involved dying and being reborn to my self. 
A month after my last post, being unemployed and on full disability, I began another new journey. I prepared somewhat for it by listening to tapes by a previously to me, unknown author named Guy Finley. 

There was something about his tapes that both rubbed me the wrong way and yet resonated with me at the same moment. His manner of speaking came across as gruff, seemingly harsh and even angry. Yet I listened to the same tapes over and over. His message carried beyond my personal perceptions I had based my listening abilities on. These were based on my past ideas and beliefs. 
As I became more accustomed to Guy's way of delivering his message, I was able to more fully work at actually hearing what I was listening to. 
For those who have not listened to Guy's messages, you may feel as I did. At first it seemed as hard to comprehend as trying to break a digitally coded message in an unknown language. 
Guy Finley's ability to put concepts, laws and truths into words is incredible to say the least. I still struggle to explain his messages, despite my language abilities. Guy's choice of words, analogies and stories help to bring his message across in a way few others that I have listened to are able to. 
 It's now almost 4 years since first attending Guy Finley's Talk in the Pines seminar in Merlin, Oregon and I have gone through so many life events, none that I would define a culmination or goal that I have reached, but rather an on-going series of endings and beginnings, with no end in sight. 
Last night at one of Guy's talks, a fellow listener spoke of a cell phone not working and just needing to reboot it and it was fine, no fault needed to be placed, although it felt like there should have been at the moment. Another listener referred to rebooting ourselves when things seem to be going wrong or off track and starting anew.
A few weeks ago I had been at the end of a 4 month visit with family on Maui, Hawaii. I was doing what I enjoyed, helping a community farming group with audio and video. Despite the fact that I seemed to be at the end of the work for the evening and also the end of my stay on Maui and feeling good about it, I experienced two defibrillator shocks to my heart from my implanted device. 
While the device did what it was supposed to do, and I was working a bit harder at the moment than normal, the device saw that my heart was not operating within the device's known parameters and it then, not so gently, "rebooted" my heart twice. 
Being fully conscious both times, although doctors said I wouldn't be. After the first shock, I looked around at wiring on the floor or any possible fault as to why I just got shocked. 
The second shock came a minute later as I was trying to rationalize the first shock while talking to my friends wife, who had witnessed it. When the second shock hit and literally had me sitting on the ground afterwards, I was wondering why she had not seen the lightning fly through the room, as I had seen it.
I finally stopped looking for the fault and began to accept that I had just been rebooted. Having visited my doctors back in Oregon and getting my device tuned up and tests done, I really relate to life as a series of endings and rebirths. Sometimes it takes a complete reboot to clear out and let go in order to allow the new to replace it and to again see new growth.



No comments: